Marriage Rule #2 – Don’t discuss important things at bedtime

by Raylene on April 28, 2012

I’m not sure if it’s really #2, but it should rank pretty high!

This rule came about from a few personal experiences.

My hubby is a morning person. I am a night owl. About 9:45pm his brain literally starts to shut down. FOR REAL! The lights are on but nobody’s home.

So, early in our marriage, while I was still not fully aware of this process, I would try to have conversations with my sweetie after he was in bed. He looked very much awake, and would carry on a completely coherent conversation. However, the next morning he would have NO recollection of that conversation.

It was his idea to make the rule “Don’t discuss important things at bedtime”. I think he was worried about me saying something like, “Honey, can we buy a new car?” And he’d reply, “Sure, did you have one picked out?” and we’d BOTH be in big trouble when I brought home a new car. (I’d never really do that, by the way…)

Last night, it happened again! Married almost 15 years and I’m still a little slow sometimes.

Hubby and the boys were going to be out all day today, so last night before bed I made them lunches to take with them. Hubby had already gone to bed. When I went in to go to bed, he woke up and started talking to me. SO, I told him to be sure to grab the lunch in the fridge before they left in the morning. {Remember the “I’m a night owl” thing…? Yah, I probably wasn’t going to be getting up at 6:30am on a Saturday to see them off!}  I also said there was a plastic bag with dried mangoes and crackers on the table, and he’d need to take water bottles. He was very agreeable, tossed and turned a while, and then seemed to go back to sleep. The issue is that, apparently, he was never awake!

He came in this morning to say, “OK, we’re leaving now” and I asked about the lunch in the fridge. “What lunch?”


Awesome. He’d not heard a word I said about the lunch I had made. HAHA! SO, this morning, he had spent extra time to make lunches for he and the boys to take. (I knew I should have stuck a post-it-note on his forehead.)

When I got up and went to get breakfast, the lunchbox was gone. So was 1/2 of the brick of cheese I bought yesterday (1/4 of which has already been sliced by me last night and included in the lunch that I made, and another 1/4 of which was apparently included in the 2nd lunch that was made this morning). There are NO MORE carrots or bell peppers (both of which I had already included in the first lunch, and apparently got put into the 2nd lunch) and all the crackers in the house are gone.

Oh well, at least they have enough to eat, right?

And thank goodness I wasn’t explaining anything life-threatening or supremely important. I know better than to discuss THOSE kinds of important things at bedtime!

This is a silly illustration, but it is still an important rule. Often, people are just too tired to be very rational right at bedtime. You’re ready to call it a night, not make life decisions. You’ve heard the saying, “Never go to bed angry.” And I agree with that, but that doesn’t mean you stay up all night to hash out an issue. It means that you are both willing to let go of whatever you think needs to be discussed, with a SOLID plan for when you WILL talk about it, because not talking about it isn’t an option. Pick the best time of day for you and your spouse, set a date, and talk! You’ll get much further in your conversation, make better decisions, and feel better about it all in the end.

Seriously – Do NOT discuss important things at bedtime! It could save your marriage – and a few double lunches, too!

What is one of your strong and fast marriage rules?

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