I hate expectations being put on me.  Especially the unspoken ones.

I work hard not to put too many expectations on others.  But, let’s face it, we ALL have expectations, and we usually have them subconsciously, before we even know we have them.

We were at a ministry family retreat recently – all pastors, ministers, and their families.  I am usually excited about these kinds of venues for my kiddos to be in, because at the retreat all the children are all PKs (pastors’ kids), and nobody is pointing a finger saying, “Oh my, look at those kids. You’d think they would be better behaved since they are the pastor’s kids.” It’s a place where they can really really just be kids together with all the other kids, and play, and even *GASP* misbehave like other kids. No expectations other than that they are kids!  Love it!

And apparently *blush* even I had expectations of these kids …  some good, some bad, some met, some not met.

I had NOT expected to see a 9-year-old applying her make-up in the common washroom with me each morning.

I had expected that my kiddos would make friends easily and be welcomed like that had been 2 years ago. This was about 50/50… They did connect back in with one family that we knew from before, and they did get to know some new friends.  In all, though, they sorta stuck with us, mostly because the other kids all knew each other from years and years of family retreats together and grouped up in bunches (dare I say ‘cliques’ even).  Our youngest son, MrCutie, had no issues at all, but the older 2 found it harder to connect this time. It was OK, and they had so many fun activities that I know they had a good time.  Just not quite as welcoming as I had expected.

I had NOT expected to make friends with 4-year-old Brazilian twins.  OH, those boys were SO super cute!

I had expected to see families playing together – and I saw a lot of that.  Just hanging out, playing games, going for walks in the snow, shooting down the inner-tube hill, swimming, etc…  That’s always fun to see families having fun together.

One of those ‘unspoken’ expectations came out at the end of the retreat and was the cause of my biggest disappointment.  I had expected that these kids would be honest, perhaps because that is an issue we take very seriously in our home, especially as a Christian family.  I’m not sure that expectation was met, and here’s why.

So, how does an iPod disappear?  It doesn’t.  But it can get picked up.

Most of the parents/adults were in the lobby and outside, packing our cars to leave.  The kids were all running around everywhere.  Did a kid see the iPod and pick it up?  Did they pocket it or turn it in? It had MrCutie’s name on it (fading, but you could still see it on the clip).  The camp staff haven’t had anyone turn it in, and our friends looked everywhere for it…

I have no proof that it was stolen, except that it can not be found.  I have no proof that it was a kid and not an adult (I shudder to even mention that, at a ministry family retreat!) that picked it up.  I have no proof that it didn’t accidentally end up in the garbage or something.  But my heart is disappointed at the mere prospect of one of those other PKs picking it up, and not being honest enough to turn it in and get it back to whomever it belonged.

Especially in light of how MrCutie had acted during the week.  Now, MrCutie had been playing with other kids’ DSs and other portable electronic devices all week – borrowing them and returning them.  He was honest in how he dealt with his new friends and their things, though he was often left alone with a DS and could have ‘lost’ it or ‘stolen’ it and lied to them about it (if any of our kids would do this, he would be the one…).  But he always took care of them when he had them, and always returned them.

iPod Shuffles aren’t cheap, it was still new (got it for Christmas) and it was one of MrCutie’s favorite things in the world (he studies and does everything better, it seems, with his iPod playing, especially audio books).  It was the first trip he’d taken with it… He cried for a long time when we realized it was gone.  He knows that he’s partly responsible because he didn’t zip up his backpack. I haven’t mentioned anything to him about someone else maybe picking it up, but he was reasoning it out for himself and said, “Mom, I wonder if one of the other kids picked it up.”

We may never know what happened to the iPod. Part of me still hopes that some one will turn it in – a mom will find it in her kid’s luggage or something, or it will turn up under a stairwell… or something!

But a bigger part of me expects that what I’ve always hoped for my kids has come true in a bad way – that people would know that pastor’s kids are just like any other kids in SO very many ways.  Kids struggle with honesty and stealing… PKs do too.

The families at camp are just families, too, doing the best they can to raise their kiddos.  They aren’t perfect, the kids aren’t perfect, any more than any other family

I expected more, at least on the level of honesty, with fellow ministry families.  Apparently I expected too much.

UPDATED:  please see my post titled I May Have to Retract My Previous Statements…

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