Heaven.

As a Christian, I hear a lot about Heaven, and how wonderful it will be, as well as about learning to live with an eternal perspective.

“This world is not about this world.”

“There’s more to this life than what we see and feel here.”

“This is our temporary home.”

“This world is not our home.”

“Eternity with Christ begins today!”

“Store up treasures in Heaven where moth and rust can not destroy.”

Heaven?Everyone says that Heaven will be infinitely better than life on Earth. It will be amazing!

I personally don’t ascribe to the fluffy clouds and harps picture of Heaven, based on what I’ve read in the Bible, because, frankly, having to sit on a cloud and play a harp for eternity doesn’t sound ‘infinitely better’ than life here on Earth.

If Heaven is something like the REAL Narnia of The Last Battle – an amplification of everything that is good and wonderful here on Earth, I think that will be wonderful.

If Heaven is something like I experience when I practice a prayer exercise called “The Garden of My Heart”, I think that would be fantastic.

If Heaven is something like the transformed shack in the book The Shack, I think that would be spectacular.

If Heaven is something like the Bible describes as the New Earth, where everything is restored, and we live at peace with each other and with God, continuing to work and live and worship in a completeness and wholeness not experienced since Eden, I think that would be … WOW!

I’ve read books about Heaven. I’ve read books about other people’s supposed visits in Heaven during a death or near-death experience. And I’ve read a lot in the Bible about Heaven.  And I’m still not sure what Heaven will be ‘like’, so I’m not sure what to think…

I know in my head that we really aren’t meant to know what Heaven will be like. Heaven is supposed to be something that is indescribable to us in our current state of understanding. Our physical, broken, sinful being is unable to comprehend a healed and whole being, or the world that such a being would exist in.

Maybe it’s my engineering mind, I don’t know… maybe it’s just the fear of the unknown, or the fear of judgement … or maybe a lack of faith or knowledge, or both…? But the idea of Heaven isn’t exactly comfortable to me. Honestly, I almost feel afraid about Heaven sometimes.

Yes, I’m a pastor’s wife. How can I even admit to this?  And who has ever heard of someone being afraid of Heaven? Hell, sure, but Heaven?

I am pretty sure I’m meant look forward to it, and not to fear it, especially if I believe that Christ as my saviour has provided a way for me to be there through His sacrifice. And I will (and do) confess to being a Christ follower, accepting Jesus as my Lord and my saviour, and living according to his example (as best I can). Yet I’m still unsure enough about Heaven that it’s caused me a fair bit of anxiety from time to time.

I’ve drilled down deep enough to know that I’m concerned as much about what I leave behind as I am about what I go to. When life feels like a mess, it’s hard to know that when I die, I leave that mess to someone else. I don’t like that idea.

The idea of “Eternity” is also kinda freaky to me. Everything about our earthly existence is bookended with life and death. Once we die here, we go on to eternity, and eternity is just … forever…  What the HECK does that look like? I have no concept of forever, or ME being in FOREVER and around FOREVER… It boggles my mind, and freaks me out.

Heaven's GateMy heart (and spirit?) hopes that Heaven is real and true and more than I can imagine and wonderful and good. I want to hope that living (is that what we do in Heaven?) seamlessly in the Lord’s presence will be fantastic, and seeing Jesus face-to-face will be spectacular.

Honestly, I think I’m afraid to hope, though. If something looks too good to be true, it probably IS too good to be true. Yes, that’s my earthly mind talking, based on my earthly experiences, and my slightly cynical attitude these days.

I could write for ages, I think, because I’ve thought about it a lot. Suffice it to say that at this point I just hope I can come to peace with Heaven before I get there! Of course, it probably won’t matter then, right? I’m probably just weird, and paranoid, and crazy for even admitting any of this out loud.

Regardless of your religious affiliation (or non-affiliation), what do you think? [I’m really NOT opening the floor for a theological debate, or to have to defend my own belief in Christ, please… I just shared some real stuff straight from my heart. Be nice, k?]