It happens little by little. They sneak up on you, as you innocently go about life, completely unsuspecting of the advancing onslaught.

What’s even worse is that this advancement is meticulously planned to take place over the course of YEARS. Careful coordination ensures gradual inundation without detection.

The operation starts with something as simple as a completely harmless box of washable felt markers and ambi-dexterous safety scissors – how bad can that be, anyway?

Before you know it, you are totally and utterly overrun by geometry sets and bi-fold double-pocket duotangs. You never even knew what hit you!

As if this progressive tactic isn’t bad enough, a compounding strategy is also employed. First, it’s only ONE set of erasable self-sharpening fruity-smelling colored pencils, and then it’s SiX sticks of non-globby roll-up white school glue, and possibly as many as 100 HB #2 Canadian-made pre-sharpened non-lead pencils with PINK erasers.

It is the Attack of the Killer School Supplies!!!!

And it gets worse with each passing year, especially when you consider that if you’re adding new soldiers to the battleground, er….children to the school system, one by one they are advancing this attack.

I am a seasoned and battle-hardened veteran of this war.  This year, as in years past, I’m fighting back by pushing back the advancing hordes, but this year I’m being much more aggressive. With 3 enlisted soldiers, er… students of my own, the mounting cost of the war continues to be a prohibitive factor. So, the command in the troop is to use what supplies we’ve got until there’s nothing left to use.  Sharpen those pencils down to the nubs, push that solar calculator right to its limits, allocate all the previously-opened-but-not-yet-used loose-leaf paper, and share the ammo, er… pencil boxes between yourselves because we already have 8 and only need 3!

I refuse to give those insidious brand-new store-bought school supplies the satisfaction of knowing that they yet again infiltrated our ranks. Not this year, not this time! I will fight the attack of the killer school supplies and I WILL WIN! *insert evil laugh here*

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