I mentioned in my Weigh-In Wednesday: Week 1 that I am on a mission to look and feel better. Yet even as I’m setting health and fitness goals for my upcoming trip to BlissdomCanada in Toronto in October, I’m also trying hard to come to terms with some things about myself. My appearance should not define me, and yet, even when I know it shouldn’t, it often still does. I’m wrestling with that a bit … and I think most of us women do.
Our perception of beauty is flawed, at best, and abusive at worst. My projection of my personal worth or value based on that flawed perception of beauty compounds the issue. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, but I’ll be more comfortable when there’s less of me in that skin…. That feels wrong even to say out loud, but that’s the truth, isn’t it? How do I , how do WE, get past that?
I came across a video that really spoke to me, one that I am going to watch again and again. The young woman in the video – a dramatic production of a fantastic poem – rages against the system that objectifies women, agreeing that she can not live up to the standard of perfection. In the next breath she’s saying that of course she must live up to those expectations, as they are indeed what people perceive her to be. At one point, in desperation, she wonders when it will end, and how it will possibly end, because it doesn’t seem at all possible that it ever will end.
The girl (aren’t we all really just girls?) in the video is sharing my own heart, my own struggles, my own thoughts.
This is how I often feel…. waffling between confidence and exasperation, feeling strongly that no one but God’s standards should apply to me and then experiencing the weight of the reality that here on earth that just isn’t true…. I think we all feel it as women, even the feminists who say they don’t.
Have a look at the video – and then share your thoughts with me, if you will.
I’m sorta tip-toeing out into this area of discussion, but I’d love to know what real women, my friends and fellow moms, are thinking about our perception of beauty, and how they are perceiving themselves. Maybe this woman in the video and I are the only ones who feel this way, torn and waffling…. but I kind of doubt it…
Raylene this is so weird as this very subject has been the focus of my meditation and contemplation this month! It started with the last issue of the Yoga Journal which was centered on weight loss. I was surprised when I started reading and saw that instead of it giving butt firming exercises and weight loss recipes it focused instead on acceptance and healthy body image and about releasing ourselves from society's ridiculous expectations. I realize that I don't want to be judged that way, especially as I age, yet I also find myself judging others the way we've all been conditioned to. I'm trying to change that in myself.
For the past 3 years I had it in my head that I was going to get super fit and compete in a Figure competition. The more into it I got the more I realized that way of life is unhealthy and impossible to maintain. This week, after reading those articles I took down every picture of every bikini model I had taped to the fridge and vision board and replaced them with wholesome, healthy images of people in all ages and shapes but who all have that glow about them. That's what's really attractive. That inner glow that is yours and yours alone. That's what we need to plaster on magazines and commercials. That's beauty.
As a mom I hope I can convey that to my daughter so that she doesn't feel like she has to be like the airbrushed model on the magazine. Even with me taking my trip to Cancun next month and agonizing about the thought of being in a swimsuit I'm struggling with this, but I'm committed to making a change. Thanks for reinforcing it!
I have never been focused on dieting and watching my weight but for the past few weeks I have been determined to lose a few lbs. and work out more!
I hope that you get through this as it's always our perception of ourselves thats hardest to get over!
Have a great weekend!!
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You have great goals. keep it up! I have to change my diet
http://momdaughterstyle.blogspot.com/
I really believe if we were bombarded by stick thin, supposedly perfect models everywhere we look, most of us wouldn't have a problem with our bodies.
Thanks for visiting my blog.
great video- and ya, I think we all struggle with this at least a little bit!
I like to focus on being healthier rather than thinner – I really don't want to send a message to my girls that I'm unhappy with who I am but it's hard because negative stuff slips out – I'm working on it.
I struggled with this until I read Lisa Bevere's book, "You Are Not What You Weigh." Made a huge difference in my life and I began to accept me as me. It has also been a blessing to be married to a man who truly, and I mean truly truly like I didn't believe it was possible truly, loves me no matter what.
I caught your post through Makobi Scribe's Stumble! hop. Nice to "meet" you. 🙂
Hi! Great post…very important, emotional, and complicated issue. I am totally with you!
Stumbled you!!
http://keenlykristin.com/2011/05/the-summer-of-kristin-has-begun/
Thanks for linking up!
Kristin 🙂
Sing it sister 🙂 with you all the way You have been Stumbled! Here is my post
It is so hard to be yourself in a world that wants everyone to fit in somewhere! I have been thin and I have been heavy – I have smoked and I have not – I have worked and I have stayed at home ….the BEST part is no matter what I DO someone always has something to say negative about it! So I say BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE ……BE HAPPY! It is hard to get there – but when you get there it is a fantasic place to be! Stumbled to your blog……new follower! Have a Very Safe & Happy Memorial Weekend! Stop for a visit http://dedastudios.blogspot.com
What a wonderful post. I am a "larger" person but I am healthy I gym it 4 times a week and i do my hair and make up on days that I can (I am a mom/sitter to 5 kids) but I am totally ok with myself. I know i need to work a bit on myself but I stay healthy and enjoy life. Thanks so much for this post!
I stumbled you 🙂 and I am following hope you wouldnt mind stumble and gfc following me 🙂
denise
http://mommy2nanny3doggy1.blogspot.com/
I'm totally the girl who lives in sweats, maybe showers, and rarely wears make up. I wish I took time to get ready and look cute but instead I put the effort into my kids. I am trying to make myself look put together daily but it is quite a task. I was taught to do your best to look nice, tell yourself you're beautiful (bc you are) walk out the door, forget about yourself and help someone in need! Good luck, it is definitely a struggle but we can do it!
Looks ain't everything, and I say that as someone who works in the skin industry – no not strippers, just fitness. Although you'd think that some fitness instructors out there think that they're strippers with how skimpy and self-centered they dress. It's not about us, though. It's about you!
Very powerful and well-made video. I am only unhappy with my current weight because I want to fit back into prettier clothes. My Ogre will love me at any weight, and his opinion about my appearance is really the only one, other than my own, that matters to me so I'm a bit removed from society's pressures at this stage in my life.
-:¦:- Stumble Through Thursday: Catwoman Costumes -:¦:-
I've just "stumbled" by from the hop. BTW, the hop is found on a page on my site that lists more than 200 hops, memes, and photo challenges… some for each day of the week. Check under the header for the link to that page. I’ve also just started a BlogFrog community that focuses on hops, carnivals, memes, and photo challenges. Go to http://theblogfrog.com/1504201 to visit & participate.
I hope you’ll visit me soon and follow back!
NCSue
I am with you, Raylene! Everywhere you look someone is shoving "perfection" down your throat. Even comercials on television now are scantily clad, thin, voluptuous women with perfect skin, hair and makeup everywhere. Our little girls are being shown this is what is beautiful so this is what you should strive for and our boys are being taught that that is what they should find attractive. As a mother of 3 boys and a girl, I find both sides very disturbing but even I fall into the trap of trying to be "perfect".