I’ve wondered about how much is appropriate for me to say about romance on a usually-family-friendly blog.  I know that a large number of my readers come from relatively conservative backgrounds.  I, myself, tend to lean toward the conservative side, and certainly usually aim to avoid being provocative or suggestive.

All that to say that I’ve been reminded a LOT lately about how men and women differ in their perceptions about romance, and I thought I’d mention it here. This is an adult conversation, so rather than offend my more conservative readers, I’d rather warn you ahead of time.  If you are sensitive to these kinds of issues, you might not want to read any more of this conversation.  I’m not asking for value and moral judgements. I’m just speaking out of what’s been going on in my life. Proceed at your own risk! 🙂

I’m not just being reminded about the difference in men and women’s views of romance in my own experience, but also as my Sweetie and I have been leading some pre-marital mentoring sessions with an engaged couple, and in conversations with friends.

When you’re dating it’s often easy to see eye-to-eye on the idea of what’s romantic to you.  (Insert candle-lit dinner with soft music playing, both of you looking and smelling your best after having spiffed up for your date, both of you happy to see each other and just be together, etc., etc., …)

As a relationship continues, the definition of what is romantic seems to change.

Women often feel more romantic about things that require spending time together, about ‘nice’ things.  They feel more loved and more inclined to be romantic when they feel secure and like they are partners in the relationship, a relationship that is working together well.  (I saw a blog post about a month ago where someone called a picture of my friend’s husband ironing his own clothes the sexiest picture she’d ever seen!)

And let’s face it, though I hate to generalize TOO much… Men often equate romance with sex. In reality, for him, it satisfies all of the same requirements needed for a woman to feel romantic:  it’s something that requires spending time together; it’s a ‘nice’ thing; they feel like partners in a relationship; and the act of sex is evidence of that relationship working together well.

(NOTICE: This is where the adult content comes in…Don’t click the following links if you are sensitive to sexual things.)

EdenFantasys has many resources available that might possibly help bridge the gap between these two romantic perceptions.  From massage oils and bath kits in the sensual love category (‘nice’ things that require spending time together) to adult toys for couples (partners working well together), there is a lot to choose from.

Most of the time I advise the wife to do the looking for these kinds of things, knowing her husband’s sensitivities and preferences, and not wanting to add unwanted explicit images into his memory.  And lots of wives are not comfortable even walking into a lingerie shop – so this is a bit safer way to explore.  Let your husband know what you were looking for – even just mentioning it can lead to quite a romantic encounter!

I know these things aren’t for everyone, and you might even be a little embarrassed, #1) that I brought it up in the first place; and #2) that I provided a link so you can go look at some of these things. Like I said, don’t click the links if you’re too sensitive or embarrassed.  There is NOTHING wrong with that.

I will say, however, that I firmly believe that romance and sex are gifts, given to a married couple, to explore and enjoy together.  If men usually equate romance with sex, then women can stretch themselves a bit and find out how to best enjoy the parts they consider most romantic (games, massage, candles, music, whatever…) so as to promote sexual experiences with their husbands.  Men can also work more on the parts their wives consider romantic, and in doing so, likely elicit more sexual response from their wives. It’s a WIN-WIN situation!

I do NOT believe that you should go beyond what’s comfortable for your own beliefs or convictions.  And I don’t want to lead anybody  astray.  (Thus the warnings ahead of time regarding this content and the above links.) Take it or leave it for what it’s worth to you.

Maybe you just needed a quick reminder about that thing called romance! 🙂

EdenFantasys is providing a gift card for my having mentioned them in my blog post. My advice and opinions are always my own.