I feel like I’m sticking my neck out a bit here.  I don’t know who all reads my blog – friends, family, complete strangers… I have only discussed this with my husband and my mom-in-love, and I’m a bit concerned that family members might get really ticked off at me for sharing any of this.  It IS real life, and it has characterized my life.

I have mentioned difficulties with my mother before here on this blog, and this really explains a lot of the weird stuff I’ve gone through with her.  So, it feels important to share.  I’m in my 30’s and this is just coming to light for me.  How many others have never heard of this and need this info?  Please don’t shoot the messenger.  I’m simply sharing what I have learned based on what I have seen.  I’m NOT making this up… You can’t make stuff like this up, so you know it must be true!

I stumbled across some information about a week ago that has answered a lot of questions.  I found a group called “Children of Narcissistic Parents”.  Wondering what a narcissistic parent was, I went to their group website and found a few links and definitions.

WOW!

My mother has never been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) but that so many of the things I’m reading fit perfectly with what I have experienced with her.
In short, here’s a list of 9 symptoms of NPD — 5 or more indicates NPD:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also “special” or of high status.
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Ummmm… I count 9 for 9… my mom exhibits all 9 of these things (thankfully not usually at all once).

There was a great link in particular that was also very enlightening on geocities, but it’s now gone and I can’t find the same page or grouping of info anywhere.  DARN!

I won’t go into a lot of detail here (yet) on what it all looks like – but growing up with a narcissistic parent isn’t pretty.

There’s relief as I read these this new-to-me information (no, I wasn’t crazy; no, I didn’t make those things up; yes, I was and have continued to be treated badly…) but real sadness for me too.  I had never heard of this NPD before a week ago, but it fits my Mom to a “Tee”… frighteningly accurate, actually. 

My sweetie read through the above link and I asked him if that sounded about right – “All of it,” is what he said.

Reading through some of this stuff, I wasn’t sure if I should cry or laugh, but certainly had a lot of, “Exactly!”, “That’s just how she did it.” and those kinds of statements…

There’s a book I’ll be looking for called “Children of the Self-Absorbed” by Dr. Nina Brown.  It is a practical guide to eliminating bad emotional habits and illusions that interfere with recovery from a childhood with Narcissistic parents. 

Another book that came out in late 2008 is also of specific interest:  WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, written by Dr. Karyl McBride.  Our library doesn’t have this one, so I’ll probably be buying it at some point.

You can be sure that I’ll be blogging more on this too… it’s a process, still!  But, what I’ve learned so far certainly explains some of the weirdness I grew up with and have continued to be faced with as an adult child.  Yes, it’s very weird!